7 Months, 1 Week...

           Pain, anger, fear, anxiety…I don't think any of these words come close to how I feel when I think back to the night of March 7, 2014.  It has been 7 months and 1 week since the boys passed away; life keeps moving on but sometimes all I can think is that it has been longer and longer since they were here. I wish so desperately to go back in time to hear Payton’s laugh and to watch him play basketball, to sit around the fire pit with Tyler, and to see John’s contagious smile. I know that this won’t happen again until I see them in heaven, so until then I have to keep their memory alive in my heart, and to follow the legacies they each left behind; to treat others with respect, to laugh and enjoy life, and to put God first…the list goes on. They were each unique, kind, funny, and smart young men.

            There are little things that remind me of each of them, sometimes they make me cry, and sometimes they make me smile. Some of my favorite reminders of Payton are; his note he left me in my Dr. Seuss book and every time I go through my ipod and get to the 14+ songs from the playlist he made for my brother. Of course they are all rap songs. I usually don’t listen to that type of music but I have actual come to enjoy a few of them. I couldn’t tell you what the names of the songs are because they are all listed at Payton 1, Payton 2, Payton 3, and so on… 

            With Tyler, it is the raspberry lemonade Blistex Chapstick I just had to buy the other night when I saw it (he always had one with him) or the song Afternoon Delight from Anchorman…there was a night when a bunch of us walked around Sleepy Eye and belted out the words.  The greatest thing that constantly reminds me of him is his mom, Deb. Deb’s strength through not only losing Tyler but her daughter Kaylie just 9 months earlier, is inspiring. She motivates me to be a better person, and to have a closer relationship with God.  Be Kind. Give More. Stay Humble.

            I didn’t know John that well, but I feel like I get to know him better through his Mom, Chris who is a great friend of my Mom’s. I always think of him when I see John 3:16- “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” As he wanted a tattoo of it. Chris, who used to say she would never get one, did it in memory of him.  
Thanks boys for the reminders. There is never a day I don't think about you three. 

Reference Blog: http://somewhereonlyiknow3.blogspot.com/2014/03/god-has-4-new-angels.html